I'm in a big rush now to finish my Spanish homework, write another composition in Spanish, and prepare for a history test, all due on Thursday. The rush is that any day now (or any hour, or minute, whatever), my stepsons wife will be having a baby. At which point I will not be able to concentrate on another language or on another century. I have requested that she hold off on the delivery until Thursday afternoon, as by then the composition will be complete (at least, until the re-write) and my test will be over and I will only have to worry about the next round of Spanish homework and the history paper I need to start work on, and etc., but she just laughed at me so I don't hold out much hope for any consideration in this matter.

This time around, the composition has to be about something that has caused controversy in my city, state, or nation. Nothing large scale, such as abortion or the death penalty, but "puede ser un tema muy sencillo", i.e., a simple theme, preferably something local. This being the case, I've decided to write about second-had smoke. First, this is a subject frequently being debated around town, and second, I learned many of the smoking related words in my Spanish class last semester. Therefore, I will not be starting from scratch vocabulary-wise.

Now, if I can just get it all finished before the baby comes.

Is guilt an inevitable by-product of the non-trad experience? I feel guilty about leaving work to go to class, guilty for not having time to spend with my husband, guilty for the money I'm spending on school that could be going toward our retirement. Endless guilt.

In reality, my being gone from work a few hours each week has had little impact on anyone (and besides, I have spent many years covering for people who had sick parents, sick kids, and even sick dogs) and my husband doesn't do anything but sleep on the recliner every evening anyway. As for the retirement accounts, well, I'm younger than my husband so I still have many more years to work and save for retirement.

Still, there is guilt. I feel like I'm constantly saying I can't do something or don't have the time because I have homework or a paper to write. Always in a hurry. Which is partly why I've been killing myself to take more classes each semester. If I can hurry and finish school I can stop inconveniencing everyone. People are constantly asking me when I will be finished with school. I am still working full-time, people! This means that my education will take longer to complete than it would if I were a typical college student able to focus primarily on school.

What I need, and am haltingly searching for, is a part-time job. Of course, I realize this will be an additional inconvenience. Tough.

I'm feeling a little cranky today.

Spanish is consuming my life right now. I thought I could write in Spanish fairly well, but my professor believes otherwise since he gave me a "C" on my composition. I'm meeting him tomorrow morning to discuss the re-write. I love my Spanish teacher this semester. He has been very generous in allowing me to meet him on my schedule instead of during his regular office hours (which are not compatible with my work schedule). He also doesn't seem the least bit concerned that he has a middle-aged student in his class, which is an incredible relief after my experience last semester.

History is going well. I received an "A" on the book review that I was so worried about. Go figure. Now I'm actually looking forward to writing the next one. Spring break is in two weeks, and it will be spent working on my history paper about Aimee Semple McPherson. I only have to write five or six pages so I'm not too stressed about it.

I can't believe the semester is almost half over and the fall schedule has already been posted. I'm not sure if it is the final version, but it does give me some idea what to expect for the fall semester: Intro to Historiography and The Ozarks in American History. The choices for Spanish classes are not good, so I don't know what I'm going to do about that. Maybe more will be added by registration.

It would be nice if schools would shut down during the Olympics. I find it difficult to study and keep an eye on the games at the same time.

After much wailing and gnashing of teeth, my first book review is completed, for better or worse. No I can move on to my Spanish composition. I think it will be a little more fun. It's like writing in secret code, something that I thought was pretty cool when I was a little girl.

The third class has been dropped. I knew it had to be when I spent all last weekend studying for a Spanish test and no time whatsoever studying for a map quiz in East Asian Civ. So, I dropped it. I feel saddened and relieved. Sad because I failed to listen to my instincts on the first day of class when I could already tell that I was going to be overwhelmed. Sad because that failure to listen to myself cost me half the money for the class, since four weeks into the semester I could only get a 50% refund. And sad because now I will probably not graduate in the spring of 2011 as planned.

Relieved because now I will hopefully have time to do well in the two remaining classes. Spanish is still consuming me and likely will continue to do so for the next 12 weeks.

I have to rethink my graduation plans and I'm trying to get used to the idea. After all, plans are made to be broken. If I can accept that I have to slow down, maybe I can enjoy the school experience more, learn more, and just maybe attend some school activities occassionally. I joined the history honor society and it would be nice to attend some meetings and begin to feel like I am a part of things at school instead of just a visitor.

With any luck I will have another snow day coming up. Extra time to study! We are expecting several inches tonight and tomorrow and we still have snow on the ground from the last one. Bring it on!